


Broken lies

by Orangepenguin24



Category: House M.D.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:21:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26470303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orangepenguin24/pseuds/Orangepenguin24
Summary: Guilt, House had always known that it was the thing that was going to destroy Robert Chase.
Kudos: 9





	Broken lies

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago but I was never sure about posting it.
> 
> Chase suddenly having a sister never sat right with me, this is my way of explaining why she was never mentioned before. 
> 
> TW- themes and discussions about suicide, past death of an infant. Drug misuse.

“Everybody lies”  
The more time that passed the more Chase grew to hate the accuracy of Houses’s words. Chase had lost count of the lies he’d told. Now nobody knew who he really was, nobody except House of course. He was the only person who could tell Chase’s lies from the truth, the only person who could see the scars beneath the mask. Chase never regretted lying he just wish he didn’t have to.

He never meant to mention his sister but before he could stop himself the words had spilled out of his mouth. He didn’t lie about wishing his mother had ended it with a gun instead of a bottle, in fact that was probably the most honest thing he’d ever said. 

“Even your lies are depressing” mumbled a familiar voice earning a bitter smile from Chase. If it was anyone else he would’ve asked how they found him, but he knew nothing really escaped House, especially when it came to his team. Chase has learnt a long time ago that Houses’s way of caring was not caring at all, instead of asking how he was or offering false condolences he’d watch from a distance, he’d study you until he knew you better than you did. Because Houses’s way of the dealing with the world was to pick it apart until he understood it, and once he finally had his answers he’d slowly put you back together even better than before . However most people didn’t stick around long enough to allow House to fix what he’d broken but Chase had. In fact the only person that had stuck by House longer than him was Wilson, The intensivist wasn’t the only person to stick around in Houses’s life but House was the only person who hadn’t abandoned Chase.  
“You could have told Adams your sister defied the odds, that she became a doctor just like her big brother and even had her own family of little wombats” remarked House as he moved closer towards him. Chase took a deep breath, he knew he was in for tedious conversation. He had suspected House had overheard him talking to Adam’s, but naively he’d hoped House wouldn’t question him until his next shift, Chade had a rough night ahead of him and he certainly didn’t feel up to facing Houses’s mind games as well .  
“It wouldn't have been right” replied Chase and his voice sounded distant, his words didn’t even feel like his own anymore.He couldn’t remember the last time he felt something happiness, pain and even sadness were all a distant memory. The world felt a million miles away, he didn’t feel like a part of his own life anymore, he was just a silent observer letting life pass him by.  
“But telling Adams that she became an alcoholic was honouring her memory” House shot back incredulously.  
“It’s how I believed things would’ve have gone if she hadn’t-“ his words tailed off as he screwed his eyes shut, he wanted nothing more than for House to leave. The man had a habit of sending Chase’s mind to places he didn’t want to go, sometimes it was easier to lock memories away and forget all about them. 

“It wasn’t your fault” stated House firmly, his voice wasn’t soft or gentle but the fact he gave Chase a straight answer proved he wasn’t messing around. In a way Chase found the man’s gruff attitude comforting.  
“You weren’t there” sighed Chase. He truly loathed the words,”it wasn’t your fault”, he’d heard them far to often to believe them anymore. No matter who spoke them they always sounded hollow. Because everyone knew as well as he did that he was the one to blame for his sister’s death.  
“Doesn’t matter, I’ve read the reports, there’s nothing you could have done”, before House had even finished talking he’d started shaking his head. Why could people never admit that he could have saved the youngest Chase? Why did people never voice their anger at the fact he’d failed his baby sister?  
“But if I’d told someone about the faulty boiler or If I’d woken up sooner or if I’d gotten to her sooner or-“ as the word’s tumbled out of his mouth, he could smell the thick scent of smoke clinging to his clothes and the sound of sirens approaching.He was that fourteen year old kid again sprinting to his sisters bedroom in the hopes of saving her from the flames spreading through the building.  
“Stop”, Houses thunderous voice yanked Chase’s mind back into the present time . The young doctor stared at his shoes as he silently counted to ten. This wasn’t the first time House had heard his distraught ramblings about how he could have saved his sister, but that did nothing to ease his embarrassment. Last time he used his drunken state as an excuse for his moment of weakness but this time he was completely sober. Also he had caught House completely off guard last time, his boss hadn’t been aware Chase had a sister, let alone how she passed away tragically. This time House was prepared but it didn’t make things any easier.  
If anything Chase felt exposed, he knew house knew all about the tragedy that had been following him around for over a decade. 

One night the old boiler in their run down house had exploded causing a vicious fire, young Robert had woken up to the smell of smoke and immediately leapt into action. He ran straight to his sisters room, but he wasn’t fast enough. He got her out of the building her body free of burns but her lungs were small and fragile, she passed away after the fire due to smoke inhalation. Officially the whereabouts of Chase’s mother at the time of the tragedy were unknown but everyone who knew the woman had the sneaking suspicion that wherever she was it involved alcohol.

“You were fourteen years old Chase looking after everything was your mother’s responsibility not yours, as for not waking up soon enough unless you have psychic abilities I don’t know about there’s no way you could’ve gotten there faster than you did” stated house firmly moving closer to the distressed blonde.  
“She wasn’t even a year old” uttered chase not caring if House heard the cracks in his voice.  
“I know” , Chase wasn’t listening anymore he was being consumed by his heart rendering memories.  
“She was so innocent and small, she didn’t deserve such a short cruel life” stuttered Chase his words catching in his throat as he struggled to breathe.  
“Neither did you”, Houses words made him cringe. He chewed his bottom lip as he tried to suppress his emotions bubbling to the surface, it didn’t feel right to compare him to his sister, to compare a waste of space like him to an innocent baby.  
“My life’s fine” Chase replied lamely, instantly regretting the words as he could sense Houses’s annoyance. But there was some truth to Chase’s words, he was alive and after all the horrible things he’d done it was more than he deserved. For as long as Chase could remember guilt had been consuming him, he knew it would continue to gnaw at him until one day there would be nothing left. But it was what he deserved. He couldn’t save his sister or his own mother. His own father hadn’t even told him he was dying, and then there was Dibala, the fact that he saved many other lives did nothing to stop the guilt ravaging his mind. Two lives were ended that day, Chase had been a ghost roaming the world ever since, he’d been struggling long before Dibala but that one act was the final nail in his coffin. 

Ever since Dibala and his divorce he’d taken every extra shift he could, he hooked up with anyone available to avoid the long lonely nights. When house was incarcerated he’d surf all day and his spend his nights with whoever he met at the beach. And the few times he did find himself alone he’d spend the nights walking around the local neighbourhood, he’d do anything to avoid reaching for the bottle. He wasn’t going to die like his mother, he owed himself that much. House was probably well aware of the bleak direction Chase’s life had taken but the blonde didn’t care anymore, in fact he was pretty grateful that up until this point the diagnostician had left him alone; he didn’t need him interfering in things he didn’t understand.  
“You’re right, sitting on the edge of the hospital roof definitely screams my life is going so well” remarked House.  
“Its not like that” Chase mumbled but even he didn’t believe his words.  
“That’s what you said last time and we both know how that ended,Can’t really blame me for being sceptical can you?”. Robert would never forgive for letting House see him like that. The incident was mostly a blur to Chase, his memory of the week building up to it had been corrupted by alcohol. But he could recall waking up surrounded by empty pill bottles and covered in his own vomit with House staring down at him worry etched across his features, it was the first and so far the last time he’d ever seen House express concern like a normal human being.  
“That wasn’t the same” replied Chase; he was painfully aware that his voice was trembling. He’d hated himself for weeks after that incident, his landlord was supposed to find him not House.  
He remembered the pain of watching his mother drink herself death and he didn’t want to inflict the same feelings on someone he cared about , which was why he was trying everything he could to keep going , but every day it was getting more difficult. Kutner’s deathbed hit House hard, Chase didn’t want to hurt the man further. House didn’t need him but Chase understood House's tendency to take responsibility for tragedies, he wasn’t going to let himself be another demon inside the man’s head.  
“If this is different then get the hell inside” gritted out House as he pointed towards the door with his cane, But chase simply turned his attention to the people below. It was strange to think how some of them were blissfully unaware of the pain the future held for them, how some of them were having the best day of their life and others were living their worst. He found it oddly fascinating that a person could feel completely broken inside but the rest of world would be blissfully unaware.  
“I just need a few more minutes to think, go back in and I’ll come find you soon”, but instead of hearing the sound of footsteps retreating he felt House the doctors arm brushing up against his. It was vaguely reminiscent of the time Chase had hugged the older man, he remembered feeling a warmth in his chest when a House didn’t pull away. Chase understood that this small gesture was House’s way of offering comfort without expressing vulnerability,  
“Nope sorry, there’s a strict no leaving wombats unattended on the roof policy” quipped House and Chase found himself rolling his eyes. Even in serious moments like this House wouldn’t miss an opportunity to make a joke at someone’s expense.  
“House I just need to clear my head” he snapped before he could stop himself ; he wasn’t angry at House, he wasn’t even annoyed anymore but his mind was beginning to spin. His entire body with exhaustion and not the type that could be fixed with a goodnights sleep.  
“Then go to the chapel, isn’t that what it’s there for”, Chase blinked in surprise at House’s suggestion, time and again the diagnostician had mocked his religion, House was clearly running out of ideas if he was pushing Chase back towards religion.  
“It’s not the same” replied Chase as he stared off into the distance, something about being up so high made the world around him feel insignificant. His mind was almost silent as he felt the wind brushing against his face.

He was abruptly pulled out of his trance by House grumbling as he joined him on the edge.  
“What are you doing?” Sighed Chase, he could feel his peacefulness quickly slipping away.  
“Cooking a pie, what does it look like?”,  
“Why the hell are you doing this? It’s not like I’m a puzzle for you too solve, you know why I’m messed up” Chase’s tone was devoid of emotion, he’d tried his best to sound angry but he simply didn’t have the energy anymore to convey even the simplest of emotions,  
“I don’t fancy having to find another doctor, you know how much I hate interviews”, any other day Chad would have seen the reply as House’s way of saying he cared, but today Chase was struggling to keep a grip of his emotions and see the bigger picture. Their was an aged bubbling up inside of him he didn’t realise existed,  
“Of course because that’s all I am, another member of your team that you love to manipulate and order around. I’m just the pushover doctor who tells you what you want to here” Shouted Chase, he could tell by the way House’s arm stayed still that the man wasn’t shocked by his sudden outburst, Chase wondered how long House had been expecting him to snap.  
“No, maybe at the start but not anymore, for starters you eventually grew a backbone”, maybe Chase should have waited for the rest of Houses speech but he didn’t have the patience anymore.  
“I know this is all a joke to you but did it ever occur to you that you are all I have” with every word more pain seeped I go his tone.  
“Shit” Cursed House and Chase found a hollow chuckle escaping. It truly was ironic that the man that pushed everyone away was the only person Chase had left,  
“Yep” he laughed, but his brief burst of happiness came to an end when an agonising emptiness settled in his stomach. He cared about House but the man shared something with every other person Robert had loved, House had a knife dangling above his head. Nobody knew how long it would be until the man’s addiction would win but Chase doubted it would be much longer, especially with the amount of Vicodin he’d bee using recently. He didn’t want to grieve for House, it may sound selfish but Chase wanted to be the one to go first. He knew Houses’s days were numbered but he still had this naive hope that there was still a chance for House to find happiness even if it was only for a day. 

There was a long tense silence before House finally spoke again,  
“I don’t know how to help you”, A deep sadness swept over the blonde, he had never heard the man admit defeat before. Chase truly was a lost cause. He took a shaky breath before turning towards House as their eyes locked for the first time that night a wave of guilt and sorrow swept over Chase. He didn’t want to be reason House succumbed to his addiction.  
“Just promise me that if I fall you won’t fall with me”,  
“You know I can’t”.

Wordlessly Robert rose to his feet and shuffled towards the door. With each step he could feel the weight of the world crushing down on him, but when the loud sound of a cane hitting the floor rippled through the air he began to feel lighter, only slightly but for now it was enough to allow him to keep going. Chase only had one person in his life who truly cared about him but that one person was worth fighting for. Because even though he was going through hell at least he wasn’t going through it alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, I was concerned it was a bit over dramatic. I’ve never written house fanfic before so this was really just an experiment. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have a plan for a happier follow on chapter but if you think it’s better left like this just let me know.
> 
> Any advice or criticisms welcome. 
> 
> Have a good day.


End file.
